Loss
by Alastair Seki
Summary: BoFIII I love Ryu. And Rei. This is just a little ditty that kinda digs into the mind of our favorite quiet hero. lurvles him Enjoy!


Wow. Totally didn't realize this was on my compy. Found it when randomly searching through my writing folder. Read it, then wondered why I'd never posted it. Gee whiz, it's almost like finding 10 bucks in a back pocket. Anywho... enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Breath of Fire III, though I do believe it is one of the best video games of all time. And Ryu is AWESOME. (Though I really which you could make him transform into that big turquoise dragon that appears in the Urkan tower basement... (drools))

oooooooooooo

Is it bad to say, that Teepo's death didn't bother me that much? I mean, it _did_, but sometimes I wonder if it bothered me _enough_. Rei was obviously distraught. And _I'm_ the one that actually killed him.

I think that's only thing that bothered me, actually. It wasn't the fact that he died; it was the fact that I was the one who killed him that bothered me.

So, if I hadn't had to do it, would I have cared at all?

I don't understand why this is… Why am I still functioning? Why haven't I wept? Why do I feel nothing?

Maybe… maybe it's because of what I am. Is it true that the Brood are ruthless killers that don't have any remorse? No! No, that's not true. I _know_ it's not. I care about my friends. I care about the world. I feel happiness, and sadness, and all sorts of other emotions.

Just not right now.

I'm so confused. He was my friend. He was my _brother_. He was the only other dragon left. _Why won't I mourn for him?_

It's not like I haven't tried. I _want_ to feel that sadness. Because that's normal, right? When someone precious to you dies, you mourn, you cry. I want to do those things. _Anything_ would be better than this deadness and lack of emotion, this nothingness. I'm just blank… _empty_.

I don't want to feel like this! Am I losing my humanity? Is this the first step? When will it stop? _Will_ it stop? Who else will I be able to ignore when they die? Rei? Nina?

_Aah!_ That thought… The thought of either of them dieing… it hurts. It feels as if I've been stabbed in the heart. … I guess that means I've still got some heart left in me.

But then why don't I feel the same way for Teepo? He meant just as much to me as they do!

Wait… Meant? Since when has that been past tense?

Could that be…?

Have I already accepted his death? Is that why it doesn't hurt?

Yes… I think that's the reason. I've believed him to be dead for years, so how could his death now affect me? I'd lost the hope that I would ever find him alive, so now that I know he's not, it doesn't really affect me. I have already felt that pain, gradually, over the years, until I didn't even notice the ache anymore. Except when remembering.

But he was alive for a moment… He was standing right there in front of me. What makes him different from Rei? I never thought I'd see Rei again, either. I'd lost hope about him, too.

But then I found him again. He was standing there, and for a moment, I had him back. Then Mikba attacked, knocked him down, almost dead… I was furious! It hurt so badly. The pain and rage overwhelmed me, and I was attacking that monster with eyes that only saw red.

So what's the difference? Is Rei more important to me than Teepo was? No. I loved them both with all my heart. They were… _are_ my family.

So then why didn't I feel that upsurge of relief and joy when I saw Teepo again, like I had when I saw Rei after all those years?

I think it was his eyes.

When I look back on that moment when I first saw him in the garden… There was something wrong with his eyes. They didn't look the same as they had when we were children.

Dead. That's what they were. There was no life, no emotion in them. Just like his voice. Even, monotone… like ice.

They say the eyes are the window to the soul. If that's true, then now I know why I wasn't happy to see my brother. Because he was still dead to me. His body may have been alive, but his spirit was gone, his soul had been taken. There was nothing left.

And that's why I can't mourn him. I've already done that. It took years for the pain to go away, and I've come to grips with the loss of one of the most important people in my life.

And I won't do it again. Because I didn't lose him a second time; I'd never gotten him back. If only Rei could see that…

I'm not crying for my brother anymore. But that doesn't mean I'll ever forget him, or stop caring about him.

I've still got my humanity after all, and I don't plan to ever lose it.

oooooooooooo


End file.
